‘Nothing good ever comes after 2am’
This is a famous saying from Ted’s mum in How I met your mother sitcom. If only I had followed her advice that night. They say we know everything we need to know, don’t ask me who ‘they’ are cause even I don’t know. But if we know everything we need to know, how do we end up making stupid mistakes?
It was galentines night! Yes! That silly excuse for we singles to stand together in solidarity in the midst of all the couples during Valentine’s. I was ready with my silver number and couldn’t wait to see my girls and have fun. These past few days I’ve been in a funk.
See, my ‘man’ hadn’t done anything for us for Valentine’s. Not even a text. And since then he hadn’t reached out and it got me feeling some type of way. How? I had sent those long messages and he’d left me on read and all the ten calls I made to him we never answered. I was fumming with rage but what could I do?
“Are you done getting ready? I could pick you up!”
“No need. We’ll meet there..”
I’m always the tardy one in the group but I always deliver. If you have to be late you better bring the fashion, innit? As I jumped into the shower, I couldn’t stop thinking of him, of us in the shower. Of the things he used to do to me under the running shower. The thought of him got me even madder at him. I had to let out of my system.
It was after a few glasses of wine during dinner and shots of tequila after when galentines went out. I had traded my heels for sandals and I was ready to end the night with an uptown funk.
“You up? Mines in 30?” Send to many.
All I needed someone to bend me over and pound him out of my head. I didn’t need to be kissed passionately and be made love to. All I wanted was to be fucked, hard!
I got to the house at a quarter to three and instead of going straight to bed, I was in the kitchen making myself an Irish coffee. If I have to end this night without getting laid, then it’s best if I just blackout.
Youngsters reading this, it’s best I point out that I didn’t know better then. If I did, I’d have checked my phone when I got to the house.
Ding Dong!
I was in my towel opening the door at 3am. ‘Why are there two of my friends with benefits at the door?’ ‘And why is my ‘man’ walking towards my door from the elevator?’ I closed the door in panic.
Oh shit!
I know I’m a hoe but I didn’t think it was this bad. Three guys, all with nothing better to do at 3am than to do me? It looked like the beginning of a gang bang porn video. How could I let this happen?
After gathering my shit and wearing PJs, I opened the door to let them all in. Yes! I couldn’t let them stay out in the hallway, could I? We all sat there in that awkward silence each with a drink in hand watching a serial killer documentary.
And that’s how all my entanglements met and how it all ended with one ‘send to many’ texts.
Moral of the story is, if it’s past 2am just go to bed and don’t send out a booty call beacon.
