Living in this ‘If they don’t tell, don’t ask’ era really does suck for us 90s kids. Having grown up in a time when our neighbors secrets were ours, I’ve personally found it hard adapting in these times where we don’t even know our neighbors. Yes, I cover it well. I may be on the fore front of advocating for the ‘if they don’t ask don’t tell’ culture but deep down I wanna tell you what made me happy today or the dilemma I’m currently in. I mean, a problem shared is half solved, no?
Recently I’ve been intentionally going against the current norm. I am a rebel at heart so this felt like home. Being a creature of habit (I thrive in a routine) I have found myself frequenting the same establishment for years. There is joy in going to a place and you know most people. It gives me a sense of belonging which I love. Though, I came to realize that I may ‘know’ most people but do I really know them? Hence my quest to try and know just one person on a deeper level before this year of the Lord 2023 comes to an end.
‘My jaber!’ That’s what he calls me. I think it’s partly because I have Luo features and partly because I will buy him a drink when in the mood. ‘My jaber’, I always reply back to make him feel good.
Boni is his name. Boniface in full but being the Luhya he is, I would have bet that it was Boniventure. Only Luhyas have those weird names, from Nebu (Nebuchadnezzer) to Wilberforce (iykyk). Let’s not forget Nehemiah.
‘How have you been?’ I enthusiastically asked as I sat next to him.
It’s been a while since I had seen him, months for sure and I was happy to see him happy and healthy even after all the chain-smoking he does.
‘I’ve been good my Jaber. Just pushing through this hard knock life in this expensive government.’
We sat there silence for a few minutes. I sipped my cold drink while watching the documentary about the 1998 American Embassy bombing. I had been wondering about Boni for the past few months. Honestly apart from him being an Arsenal fan, I knew so little about him. I was so determined to know him on a deeper level.
‘So, where were you when the bomblast hit?’ I asked trying to break the ice.
‘I was in India then, but we heard all about it even when I was far away from home’.
I knew about him studying in India, I can’t really remember which university. It must be the chilli in India that has kept him strong all these years. For a fifty going sixty year old man he is quite limber. He is strong enough to climb up the stairs by himself and a strong mind too especially being an Arsenal fan.
I don’t remember when the bomb blast happened. I was just four then but for Boni, he had his life going for him in India. Being the seventh born in a family of twelve children, he had big shoes to fill and at that moment he knew studying Literature would open doors. Just by how he spoke, you’d tell that he is learned, you can refer to him as my learned friend.
For the longest I’ve seen him alone. I’ve always wondered if he’s got family of his own.Did he ever marry or is he a senior bachelor? Does he have kids? These were some few questions I’ve been asking myself and here was my chance to try get some answers.
“Do you have kids?”
He seemed surprised by the question.
“Before you answer that, are you married?”
Deep down I wanted to ask why he never got married but I quickly checked myself. I reminded myself that the absence of evidence isn’t the evidence of absence. He looked a little bit dazed as if trying to remember a life that has long been lost.
“I was married.. and I was blessed with two kids. A boy and a girl.”
“Oh wow. Did you get married before India or when you were in India?”
What followed was some sort of flashback. If this was a movie, these following scenes would be in black and white.
“I might have been the seventh born in my family but I was the most responsible one. My dad used to work in Nairobi but as a family we stayed in the village in Busia. My mum was a housewife and my dad took care of us financially.
I remember a time before mobile money, money used to be sent via posta. My dad used to send us fare after schools were closed to come see him in Nairobi. Back then, train fair was one shilling. So my brother’s and I would board a train and come to Nairobi.
My brothers and I had the time of our lives back then.”
You could see the happiness in his eyes which didn’t last long. He soon got teary eyes as he remembered the death of his father. I can’t imagine how it must have felt losing a father as a young boy. These are things that change one for good. I didn’t want to see him cry so I tried to save the conversation by changing the subject.
“Are you a great-grandfather yet?”
I was reaching. He’s close to my mum’s age ( my mum is sixty seven this year) and if my mum didn’t have great-grandchildren, it’s highly likely Boni didn’t have too. But the agenda must agend!
“No,” he said while giving a chuckle that didn’t mask the sad voice he had underneath.
“My elder brother is one though. I’m not sure of my other brothers but our younger sisters have great grandchildren. Since they started their families earlier.”
“It sounds like you and your siblings are very close. Are they all still alive?”
It was at this moment that I knew that I had pushed beyond my limit.
“Aah, you’re reminding me of things that I had forgotten in a long time.”
That was my cue not to dig further even though I still had questions. Actually I had more questions now.
What caused his father’s death? Why didn’t he move with his wife to India? How are his children doing and how does he currently relate to them? His ‘wife’, did they divorce or they weren’t legally married? Does he regret anything?
We sat there in silence sipping our drinks. I was just glad that in my quest of knowing Boni, I had actually seen a vulnerable side of him. He was more human to me now that I knew some of his history. Maybe someday I’ll get the answers to my questions but at that moment I was just glad to know the love he had for his dad.
So not to make it awkward I said, “And Arsenal are losing tonight.”
“Not a chance in hell,” he replied followed by a sarcastic laugh.
