With Reesa Teesa uniting the whole world at the moment, I can’t help but wonder how we can fall victims of such.
I am too loyal. Those who know me can attest to that. Too loyal to a fault sometimes. It took me years to realize that the length of time you’ve known someone doesn’t guarantee loyalty all the time. More often that not we always put those friends that we’ve known for a long time on a pedestal that we are blinded on their faults.
I’m no saint. However, I tend to believe that in the situations that matter I will end up doing the right thing, always.
“He still hasn’t come by to see his kid.”
Growing up, my father wasn’t physically present. (I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen my dad). I vowed to not have kids unless the father will be present. An old friend’s dad left their mom with them for another woman. He later came back but it really didn’t sit well with his sons. Fathers really have an impactful role to play in their kids live. Just a little fuck-up can damage them for life.
So when his child’s mom told me that he hadn’t been to see them I was really taken aback. How can one stay over a year without seeing their child? Not even a mere phone call? I felt sad. If they can abandon (yeah! that’s the right word to use) their own flesh and blood, what can they do to you who is just a friend? I know my dad wasn’t physically present but never did I doubt his existence. He made sure I never lacked and called so often that his absence didn’t matter to me.
They say no two people raised in the same household end up the same. There is also a tale of two sons who were raised in an abusive household. They both hated what their father put their mom through. However, one ended up following the fathers footsteps while the other was against violence and never raised a hand at anyone.
We often expect that logically, we will always follow the right path. That we will pick the good traits from those we’ve grown up watching and shun away from the bad traits. Sadly, most of us are influenced by the negative things that happen around us. We end up being what we hate and we don’t realize it because it’s been our norm. It’s all we know. Like that woman who grew up seeing her mum being beaten by the dad. She ended up in a physically abusive relationship because she equated that to love.
I expected (yeah! that pedestal) him to be a present dad. Learn from his fathers mistakes and try hard to be available for his child. So to learn of what is happening I couldn’t help but kick that pedestal into the deep sea. How can I look at them the same? They say one’s values don’t change. So, did I really know them? Am I at fault for having high expectation of them? Who TF am I friends with?
Being the generation that are the new parents, I hoped that we would learn from our predecessors. That we won’t do the silly mistakes we saw our parents, aunties and uncles make. We won’t be deadbeat parents, try as much as possible to not be single parents and we won’t be basic cheaters. I hoped that we would be a better people, get therapy from traumas so that we can be better parents and friends. Sometimes you don’t have to learn from your own experience. Social media came to show us how similar the worlds problems are and how we can change that. But the trick is, you have to be willing.
Sitting here listening to Reesa, I have a question to you reading this. What is that line that once its crossed your friendship can never be the same?
